What do they need?

I recently met a new friend.  As we were getting to know each other, I learned he was going through a very serious health crisis.  In fact, so serious that he was living on borrowed time - as far as the doctors were concerned.  More than 3 years ago, he was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of brain cancer and given, “at most, 3 years to live!” As I sat listening to my new friend, I began to imagine how different life would be if given such a prognosis.  What started out as a light-hearted, get-to-know-you type conversation, turned acutely somber.  I leaned forward in my chair, blocked out all the distractions, and listened intently as he explained his journey over the last 4+ years.  It was an incredible story of a courageous man depending on the Lord through unbelievable difficulties as a man, a husband, and a father!

One of the things he told me about really struck home!  He said that shortly after his diagnosis, he scheduled a day with each of his 3 children (ranging from college to young adult) and soberly asked them, “What do you need from me over the next 3 years?”  Can you imagine?  I remember thinking how incredibly courageous that was of him.  What a holy moment that must have been.  It brought tears to my eyes, as I imagined myself in that situation and all that would be wrapped up in it!

What a great example as a father, an example that each of us can learn from without having to endure a life-threatening disease.

So, here is a question we need to ask ourselves as fathers:

What do my children need from me over the next 3 years?

To answer this question, we need to spend some time praying about each of our children and thinking specifically about:

·         Where are they emotionally, spiritually, and relationally?

·         What are they involved in; what they are passionate about?

·         How has God wired them and what is their gifting?

·         What transitions are they going to experience over the next few years?

·         What do they need to learn from me as their father?

·         How do I need to protect and care for them in the coming years?

·         How can I intentionally build a stronger relationship with them in the coming years?

This list could go on, but you get the idea.

For me, this is a very instructive and important process that helps me be intentional in my important role as a father.  This process has also helped strip away things in life that are less important and keeps me focused on things that really matter (Matt 6: 19-21).

By the way, dads, this process also works for your relationship with your wife (1 Peter 3:7)! What does my wife need from me over the next three years?

Pain and the Gospel

Our team recently discussed how FamilyLife is centered on the Gospel as a part of our DNA. It was an interesting conversation as we have had many very well intentioned and passionate folk who want us to create a "seeker friendly" version of our content. But, FamilyLife has maintained that it would not present major content resources without the gospel message... here's why...
For the last year, my 15 year old son, has been struggling with stress fractures in the lower portion of his back. They resulted from an injury that attacked the weakest part of his system (He grew 6 inches that year and the muscles around that area had not been well formed). The treatment is physical therapy which strengthens the area along with no strenuous exercise. This is very effective at elimating the pain and should solve the issue without complications. The problem is, the PT is very monotonous and getting an active 15 year old boy to take it easy for an extended period of time is very difficult. He feels fine, wants to be active, does something too aggressive and the pain quickly comes back. His mother and I are constanly after him to stay with his PT and to take it easy.
Marriages also have pain. Pain caused by poor behavior, missintentions, bad habits, selfishness, infidelity and other chronic injuries that naturally happen this side of heaven.  Their marriage is the most important relationship on earth and they are suffering terribly because they can't make it work. This pain is often what brings these couples to FamilyLife. This pain could also be what the Lord is using to draw them to himself - a sort of Spiritual Therapy.
So, if we provided biblical tools and principles that helped their marriage relationship be more successful, could it be that we are preventing them from getting to a point where they recognize their need for Christ?
So, we have decided not to take that risk, in a way urge them to stay with the Spiritual Therepy journey God has them on.

Epithetic

"Epithetic" - my word for Epic Patheticness. A good way to start this blog where I hope to capture things of importance that should be learned without having to relearn time after time after time after time. It really is pathetic how I / we can so quickly forget important learnings. Importnat experiences where God, the creator of the universe, the Alpha and the Omega,  instructs, guides, leads, disciplines, loves and shows himself to me / us in real and tangeable ways and yet I / we do not learn, I / we forget, I / we put asside, I / we disregard. Our "epithetic" human condition. I am grateful for God's grace and mercy.

So, if your reading this, feel free to learn and gleen from my ramblings and observations on life. I hope it helps you to be less epethetic!